Tag Archives: time

Exit Clovis

The most ironically perfect sign I’ve seen in a long time.
I’ve been living and working here for almost 3 years. That’s something…I don’t know what it is, but it’s something. It changed me. Will I be able to change myself back?

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To Be Forgetton

When the rest of the world goes away; when I find myself on nights like this wondering whether it’s fate, whether it’s chance, whether it’s a just desert or whether this is simply me coming to terms with who I really am. I can be more honest with myself now, which is good because I have little aptitude and even less affinity for lies. I can process all the things that happened during an ephemeral era¬†when the exchanges of words and actions meant so much more than they do now; I can view them through a lens of sobriety and the far remove of both time and distance. I also feel the relief of not having to pick and choose exactly what I say and don’t say in order to initiate and then cement just the right impression of myself in someone’s mind. Of all the things I intermittently miss, the game is not one of them.

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Breathing room

I’ve been reminded lately of a singular episode from my childhood. I’m not certain of my age, but I would guess it was between 12 and 14. I had just done something to merit a (seemingly rare) reward from Dad, and even more surprisingly, he asked for my input on what the reward should be. I had a simple request: that, for the duration of the upcoming weekend, he stay out of my face.

In another great surprise, he not only agreed to my suggestion but, for all intents and purposes, abided by it all weekend. I have no particular glowing recollections of grand adventures–I probably spent most of the weekend reading, probably playing tennis, and perhaps listening to my modest CD collection and playing a few more games on my Mac TV than I normally would have. Nevertheless, that weekend stands as one of the happiest memories from at least the first 16 years of my life.

Why am I relating this story? Rest assured that it’s not because I have some severely belated bone to pick with the way Dad raised me–I have no doubt that he always did what he thought was best for me, and I greatly appreciate the lessons and values he imparted. Sure, we had our disagreements, but what parent and child don’t?

No, I shared the anecdote because the weekend I just concluded has some striking similarities to the one referenced above. As a natural introvert, I enjoyed having a lot of time, a lot of space, and nobody bothering me. I didn’t shut myself in all weekend–I played tennis yesterday with another young officer to whom I was fortunate to be introduced at a gathering back in the fall, and this afternoon I spent a good few hours studying and just hanging with a friend who’s trying to finish up training. Otherwise, I read, watched some of the PGA Match Play Championship (held just outside Tucson–wish I could still attend!) and a couple of episodes of Breaking Bad, cleaned my car, cleaned my house, made tacos, listened to copious music, worked on the fractal jigsaw puzzle, sent several texts that weren’t returned and some that were, did laundry, enjoyed the wintry weather (it snowed a bit Friday night and has been really coming down tonight), and got a generous quantity of sleep. Honestly, I’m hella thankful for the 2 days out of each 7 that I don’t have to set an alarm!

On that note, tomorrow is sadly not one of those days, and thus I’d be well served to wrap up this entry and turn out the light–though not before moseying over into my newly clean(er) bathroom to floss, brush, and maybe even fluoride rinse.

In closing, is this the life situation I desired or foresaw for myself a few years ago? In many respects, and as readers of this journal likely know, no. Do I miss places I used to go, things I used to do and people I used to see? Terribly. Can I find things to enjoy and appreciate about where I am and what is available to me? If this weekend is a reliable indication, yes.

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For some reason it’s come up a lot in conversations lately, but last month I marked one full year of living in Clovis. I got to thinking the other day about the memories and mental images that really stick out from that period of time. For one of the most prominent, one need look no farther than the image which adorns the header of my home page. It was (according to google image search) taken somewhere in the Clovis area, and though not particularly large or visually stunning, it begins to convey the vast, open, almost featureless terrain of much of New Mexico.

I’ve spent many, many hours driving through this inhospitable, arid landscape. It often feels like a journey through not only space but time as well (somewhat akin to entering Clovis itself). Why is this so? For one thing, cell coverage is faint to nonexistent for vast swaths of the state. I remember once, on a drive to or from Denver, I actually tallied the miles I drove between one 3G signal and the next, reaching a number somewhere north of 300 if I recall correctly. I, along with many or most Americans in the 21st century, had started to take for granted that regardless of my location, I could not only make a phone call but text, email, read the news, download or stream music, find the nearest pizza parlor, check for sun/rain/snow wherever I was headed, watch frisbee highlights or fail compilations on youtube, etc, etc, etc. As it turns out, my assumption was decidedly off the mark.

(possibly TBCont.)

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