Pageturning

I don’t generally like or enjoy change–I’ve probably made that clear here and in first-hand conversations. I certainly didn’t like getting orders to Clovis. After spending some time and effort looking into various alternative opportunities and possibilities, I didn’t like hearing the news that I won’t be leaving here anytime soon. I should not, however, lose sight of the fact that, in a way, life (outside of my job) is less stressful here. My parents and almost all other family are at least half a continent away. I have no second job, no night school (at the moment), no major debts other than my mortgage, no kids, no wife, no girlfriend, no one with whom it’s complicated, no BFFs, really nothing except work which has a constant, significant, non-negotiable hold on where I go and what I do. Yes, as previously noted, things have not quite gone the way I’d expected either professionally or personally. Originally spoken by a student leader during OTS, “It only gets harder” is a mantra I’ve repeated again and again as a way of getting me through many stretches of the past several years. Still, I should certainly not shut my mind to the reality that it’s easier than it could be. Sometimes I feel angry, and sometimes I feel sad, and sometimes I just wish there were somebody around. I’m human. I accept those feelings and don’t try to bury them or drown them out anymore. But I can get through it. Perhaps it only gets easier.

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