I’ve been working a bit on a new song. I think it started to come to me a few weeks ago in New Orleans when I randomly came across an art-gallery type area adjacent to my hotel that had a perfectly usable piano and no discernible reason why I couldn’t play it. At that point it was just the just the beginnings of a tune, and I think it totally slipped my mind for a while afterward, but lately I’ve started to mess around with it again and developed at least a good chuck of the first verse along with the instrumental intro. So far it seems to concern a similar theme as my previous post here: that of peace, quiet, and lack of any momentous happenings or emotional extremes (good or bad). I don’t feel any unbearable sense of discontent. I have a good life, all things considered. The only problem is that I know too much; my memory, despite my own efforts at times, is too good. I’d be fine with this if it were all I knew.
And really, I am fine with it. I generally project a positive demeanor to those around me rather than whining or taking a “woe is me” attitude. This journal and my previous one probably show a less happy version of me only because writing here is how I vent. I don’t really have a best friend or confidant, at least not in the sense of someone to whom I always turn when the going gets rough. Now there certainly exist people who would do, and in actuality have done, what they could to help me when I asked. I can think of a good few times when I did share a problem with someone, explicitly or implicitly, and truly appreciated the support I got. However, in general that’s not my style. For a combination of reasons, some likely intrinsic and some relating to specific experiences I’ve had, I don’t tend to lean on anyone else. When something is making me unhappy and I have no immediate or direct means of fixing the issue (yes, this usually means relationship or failed-relationship problems), I get myself through it. Partly by choice and partly by necessity, I continue on as if completely unaffected.
All that said, there’s currently no need for me to persevere through any such difficulties. I have a very simple life with few absolute responsibilities aside from doing my job and paying my bills. Though no one is perfect and I’m certainly not anywhere close, I think I’ve done a decent job trying to balance my primary commitments with spending time with my family (all of whom live over 1000 miles away) and doing things that I enjoy. As I wrote the other day, I could still do more in terms of helping others both locally and on a bigger scale, and I’m actively pursuing such ends. No one really criticizes the way I live, possibly because no one is “in my life” to an extent that he or she could offer informed criticism. That seems odd, and sometimes I wish it weren’t the case, but it’s the way things have worked out.